They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
