guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
