These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
