you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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