We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
