I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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