Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
When are your genitals available?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
