He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
