I need help removing her.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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