I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
