oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
