ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
