She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
