I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
