Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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