i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
