Where are you?
In a non slutty way
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
