Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
