I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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