I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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