i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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