Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
