i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
