When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
