I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
