That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My life is pants optional.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
