I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
