I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
