the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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