I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
