she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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