how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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