I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
