I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
