kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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