I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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