I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
