once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
