It's like God shit irony all over that family
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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