Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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