I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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