You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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