ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he puts the penis in happiness.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
