My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
