I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
