You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
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