there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
