You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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