Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
