oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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