Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
