Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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